


it’s hard when you’re young

by kythen



Series: Fics for Others [6]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - Age Changes, Drunken Shenanigans, M/M, Slow Burn, Student!Kuroo, Teacher-Student Relationship, Tutoring, tutor!daichi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-27
Updated: 2018-06-30
Packaged: 2019-05-29 11:57:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15072659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kythen/pseuds/kythen
Summary: Kuroo is doing well in high school. His volleyball team is on track to Nationals and his grades aren't even slippingthatmuch. Why his mom thinks he needs a tutor is beyond him.A story about growing up, moving out, and falling in love.





	1. Growing Up

**Author's Note:**

> Fic for ali!

"We're going to the convenience store after this," Yaku says as he rummages around in his bag for his uniform. "You coming with us?"

"I can't," Kuroo replies, tackling his hair with more exasperation than usual. "Mom wants me home early today."

"Family stuff?" Yaku asks sympathetically.

"She got me a tutor to prepare for the university entrance exams."

"Not that you need it." Yaku rolls his eyes. "You're a nerd."

Kuroo shrugs. He isn't exactly top student material but his grades have always been on the high side. Sure, he hadn't scored as well as he hoped in the latest tests, but it was still a safe pass and he knows that he can redeem himself the next time. He studies hard, balancing volleyball with school, and his teachers have high hopes for him entering his university of choice. Why his mom thinks he needs a tutor is beyond him.

"Hey, maybe if you're number one in the level for the next tests, she'll call it off," Yaku suggests as he shakes out his crumpled uniform.

"Maybe. Or maybe she'll think that the tutor's helping and keep them." Kuroo knows where he got his particular brand of stubbornness from and it isn't from his dad.

"You could always start failing for a change."

"I need to keep up my grades to play in the Spring High, you know." Kuroo runs his hand through his bedraggled hair one last time and sighs, giving up on it entirely.

The clubroom is all but cleared out by the time Kuroo says goodbye to Yaku and Kai and leaves. The walk home is uneventful without Kenma, who had been dragged off by Yamamoto and Fukunaga in the name of team-bonding, and Kuroo reaches home in less than an hour. There isn't anyone at home as he lets himself in and he checks the board in the kitchen for a reminder his mom had written in.

His tutor is coming over at four in the afternoon, his name is Sawamura Daichi, and Kuroo is to be polite to him, even if Kuroo thinks he doesn't need tutoring. Kuroo rolls his eyes at the last reminder. He is always polite to strangers, even if they don't think he is for some unfathomable reason. His mom had raised him right, but she had also lamented that Kuroo resembled her a little too much, which would only make life difficult for him. Kuroo sees himself in her smirks and glinting eyes, but he likes those parts about her, just as he likes those parts about himself.

Fifteen minutes before four, the doorbell rings and Kuroo trudges downstairs dutifully, already showered and changed out of his school uniform. The low table in his room is set up and a tray of drinks sits on the kitchen counter. His mom would be proud.

Kuroo opens the door to a familiar smirking face, a formidable woman Kuroo only knows too well. She has her hand propped on her hip, her long black hair loose and wild around her shoulders, her eyes glinting in amusement at the unamused look on Kuroo's face.

"Surprise, Tetsu!" Kuroo's mom tosses her hair back as she pushes her way past Kuroo and into their house. "I managed to get a free pass to come home earlier so I could see this new tutor of yours. I've talked to him over the phone a couple of times but I've never actually seen him so I was curious."

"Mom," Kuroo groans, dragging out the word in exasperation. "I can handle this myself."

"Of course you can," Kuroo's mom nods in approval as she spots the tray of drinks on the kitchen counter, "but this isn't about you, Tetsu. As I told you, I've talked to Sawamura-san on the phone a couple of times and he sounds handsome. I just wanted to see what he looks like."

"Doesn't he have Facebook or something?" Kuroo asks.

"Apparently not. The friend who recommended him to me said he isn't much of a social media user."

Kuroo raises an eyebrow. "How old is this guy anyway?"

The doorbell rings again.

Kuroo's mom sweeps past Kuroo in a way that is becoming increasingly familiar as she makes a beeline for the door. By the time Kuroo orientates himself in the direction of the front door, his mom has it open and she is smiling at whoever is on the other side of the door.

"Kuroo-san?" a male voice inquires politely and Kuroo's first thought is that his mom is right—Sawamura does sound handsome. His voice is warm and friendly, carrying a confidence that makes Kuroo straighten his shoulders, determined to make a good first impression.

"That's me," Kuroo's mom says merrily. "Come in! Tetsu's just lurking behind me."

Kuroo's mom steps aside and Kuroo gets his first look at Sawamura Daichi, unwanted tutor and possessor of a handsome voice. He is shorter than expected, standing a couple of centimetres shorter than his mom and a full handspan shorter than Kuroo, but he is broad and steady in a way that makes him seem bigger. His hair is cropped short, favouring practicality over fashion, and his eyes are a warm brown as they settle on Kuroo. He _is_ handsome, Kuroo would say, but in not in a flashy way. Certainly, not the kind of handsome that would justify his mom's early return home.

"You must be Tetsurou-kun," Sawamura says with a smile as he steps into the Kuroo home.

Kuroo raises a hand in greeting. "Hey. That's me."

Kuroo narrowly avoids the elbow to the ribs his mom sends his way as she ushers Sawamura through the living room and points the way up to Kuroo's room on the second floor. She shoves the tray of drinks into Kuroo's hands with a pointed look and Kuroo shoots her a look of wide-eyed innocence.

On the way up to his room, Kuroo tries gauging Sawamura's age. Old enough that he doesn't live on social media the way Kuroo and his peers do, but young enough that it doesn't show too obviously on him. Sawamura dresses for comfort, a shirt with a cardigan thrown over and jeans, which doesn't help Kuroo when anyone from twenty to sixty years old dresses like that these days. What Kuroo does know is that Sawamura is definitely older than him, but Kuroo can't quite put a finger on how old he is exactly.

Kuroo pushes the door open with his shoulder and Sawamura helps him with it so that Kuroo can safely enter his room while balancing the tray. Kuroo sets it down on the floor beside the table as Sawamura looks around Kuroo's room briefly.

"So," Sawamura says as he takes a seat across the table from Kuroo, "your mother may have already told you this but I'm Sawamura Daichi and I'm here to help you with Economics, History, and Literature. I hear that you're pretty good with Math and Science."

Kuroo resists the urge to shrug. "I'm alright."

"Can you show me your test papers from your previous tests?" Sawamura asks.

Kuroo retrieves the folder he had put together for this purpose, watching as Sawamura flips through them one by one, inspecting the contents of each page. Kuroo isn't nervous. He knows his grades aren't abysmal, but does he feels slightly defensive about the recent dip in his grades. Spring High is right around the corner and that means a rise in the number of practices per week, the number of hours they put into practice, and a significant dip in grades across the team. He had been hoping it wouldn't show too much but his mom had noticed and so here was someone he just met five minutes ago, scrutinising every inch of Kuroo's papers and analysing the mistakes he made in them.

Kuroo could be at the convenience store with Yaku and Kai right now, but if he wants to get into the university of his choice, he knows that his current grades won't make the cut. He stifles a sigh.

Sawamura glances up at him, a corner of his lips quirking upwards. "It's not that bad," he says, exchanging Kuroo's Economics paper for his History paper. "I've seen much worse. Most high school students would weep in joy to get grades like yours."

"But I'm planning to get into Todai," Kuroo says, his fingers drumming restlessly against his knee.

Sawamura hums wordlessly as he flips through Kuroo's Literature paper. "I think you can do it. And if you think you can't, that's what I'm here for."

He isn't exactly boasting, Kuroo doesn't think so. Sawamura says it casually and confidently enough that Kuroo finds himself believing him.

Kuroo blinks. "Do you work as a motivational speaker when you aren't tutoring high school students?"

That gets a proper laugh out of Sawamura, his eyes crinkling at the corners as he says, "I used to do something like that. Motivational speeches have become something of a habit to me after that." Sawamura puts Kuroo's papers down on the table between them, laying them side-by-side and smoothing out the pages. "Now, let's talk about what we can work on to get you into Todai."

\---

"So how did your tutoring session go?" Yaku asks as he chomps into a yakisoba bun.

Kuroo waves his hands vaguely, the rest of him draped over the railings by the road outside the convenience store as he slurps coffee milk through a straw.

"Did you get any learning done in that time? Gonna top the level and show your mom that you won't need a tutor anymore?" Yaku prods, munching on noodles and bread.

"It was just one session," Kuroo tells him. "We barely covered anything but the reasons why I sucked in the recent tests."

"What does your tutor look like anyway? Male or female? Young or old?"

Kuroo wrinkles his brow in contemplation, conjuring up Sawamura's image in his mind. Even in his mind's eye, Sawamura radiates warmth and assurance. He had been unfazed by any of Kuroo's questions, school-related or not, answering the relevant ones with enviable ease and deflecting the non-relevant ones professionally. He had also drawn up a study plan for Kuroo that Kuroo had to admit was better than his current one and left his number in case Kuroo had any burning (school-related) questions to ask him. Kuroo had gone into yesterday's tutoring session grudgingly, but he finds that he actually likes Sawamura's methods. It is a confusing time for Kuroo and a day after a tutoring session with Sawamura, he finds that playing the rebellious youth doesn't really suit him. Maybe Yaku was right all along—he _is_ a nerd.

"He's a guy," Kuroo answers, gesturing vaguely in the air with his hands. "He's shorter than me but older than me. He said that he graduated from Todai and that's probably why my mom snapped him up."

Yaku raises an eyebrow. "He graduated from Todai but he's tutoring high school students?"

"Maybe he wants to be a teacher," Kuroo says, feeling strangely defensive of Sawamura. "He's pretty good at motivational speeches."

"You could take a leaf out of his book," Yaku tells Kuroo through a mouthful of yakisoba bun.

"Are you saying that you don't like my motivational speeches?" Kuroo demands, mock-affronted.

"I like them well enough but you could do with fewer words that come straight from our chemistry textbook. Heck, some of them aren't even in there."

"Good. You need the revision anyway."

\---

Sawamura sets homework for Kuroo, which makes him want to groan in pain because it isn't as if school doesn't give them enough to do every day. It isn't a lot per se but it is still work and Kuroo can't call himself a high school student if he doesn't grumble about it. Kuroo rushes home after practice on Thursday to get Sawamura's homework done before that day's tutoring session and he manages to finish it just before the doorbell rings.

Kuroo's mom isn't home and Kuroo half-expects to see her smirking face as he opens the front door warily, but it is just Sawamura.

"Ready for another evening of studying?" Sawamura asks as he toes off his shoes at the entryway. Kuroo stifles a groan and he swears he sees Sawamura grin at him. "Thought so. How has your day been anyway, before it was ruined by my presence?"

Kuroo shrugs. "You know, the usual. School, then extracurricular activities."

"You're in the volleyball club, aren't you?" Sawamura asks as they move to Kuroo's room.

"Yeah," Kuroo says, surprised. "Did my mom tell you?"

"Well, there's a volleyball in your room and your track pants has 'Nekoma Volleyball Club' written on it," Sawamura replies, nodding towards the said items in Kuroo's room.

"That's some prime inferencing skills you have there," Kuroo remarks wryly.

"All the better to teach you with, my young student," Sawamura retorts as they sit down at the table. "Now show me what you've done for the week."

As Kuroo produces the practice papers Sawamura had assigned to him, Sawamura rummages around in his bag and places a plastic bag with a familiar logo stamped on it on the table. Sawamura pushes it across the table and the steaming hot aroma of fried food wafts invitingly towards Kuroo.

"Eat this if you get hungry during today's session," Sawamura nudges the mouth of the plastic bag in Kuroo's direction. "I bet you just charged home on an empty stomach to get my homework done on time, didn't you?"

Kuroo doesn't blush—he is too dignified for that—but he does reach into the bag and possibly swoons a bit as his fingers close around a hot packet containing a fat croquette. "Sawamura-san, you are a god to your students."

Sawamura snorts quietly. "You're the most enthusiastic student I've ever had, Tetsurou-kun, but save that for after I get you into Todai."

"What can I say? High school students have low standards for what constitutes as a religion," Kuroo says as he blows on the croquette.

"Believe it or not, university students too," Sawamura says as he starts marking Kuroo's work. "I remember being hungry all the time throughout high school and university."

Kuroo bites into the croquette delicately, trying not to burn his mouth on it, and he glances up at Sawamura as he remembers a question he had from last week. "How old are you anyway, Sawamura-san?"

"How old do I look?" Sawamura asks without looking up from Kuroo's papers.

Kuroo considers Sawamura carefully. There isn't any grey in his hair or any obvious lines in his face, but there are faint crinkles around his eyes when he smiles and an air of maturity about him. His arms and legs are toned, but not in the same way that Kuroo's and his teammates' are from running around all day during practice. His mom had said that Sawamura was a Todai graduate so that would put him at somewhere older than twenty-three. Kuroo frowns. But twenty-three isn't that much older than Kuroo's own seventeen years and Sawamura seems so much older than him.

"Thirty?" Kuroo hazards a guess.

Sawamura's face is impassive but Kuroo swears he sees a muscle jump in Sawamura's jaw. "I'm not telling you."

"What? But I made a guess," Kuroo most definitely does not whine, but he comes close to it.

"I didn't say I would tell you if you were right or wrong," Sawamura points out. "I'm only being paid to tell you if you're answering these questions" —he flicks his pen at the papers he is marking— "correctly."

Kuroo is grudgingly impressed by Sawamura's line of argumentation, even though it is incredibly petty of Sawamura. "I'm going to ask my mom."

"Go ahead," Sawamura says graciously as he pulls out a familiar sheaf of paper from his bag and slides it across the table without batting an eye. "But do that on your own time. For now, I want you to answer these questions."

\---

"I have no idea how old he is," Kuroo's mom says over dinner. "You know, I don't think I actually asked."

"Wouldn't that be one of the first things you'd ask a potential tutor for your son?" Kuroo asks, aghast.

"It's not like he's an axe murderer or anything." His mom shrugs. "I knew that he was a Todai graduate and he seems like a nice and polite man."

"If I end up chopped in half with an axe, it's all on you, mom," Kuroo grouses.

"Once you're off to university, you're gonna have to figure out who's an axe murderer and who isn't by yourself, kiddo." His mom waves a spoon at him. "I won't be there to vet everyone who enters your life all the time."

"I know, I know." Kuroo waves his spoon in return before digging into his food. He isn't that hungry after all the croquettes he ate but food is food and as lean as he is, Kuroo's stomach is a bottomless pit.

He and his mom have talked about Kuroo going to university before and his mom had said it would be best for Kuroo to get an apartment off-campus that was close to school. But this also means that Kuroo will have to move out of the Kuroo home, leaving his mom all alone in a house that was too big for two, let alone one. For most of his life, it has just been his mom and him and thinking about moving out makes Kuroo's stomach squirm.

"Not hungry?" his mom asks as Kuroo pokes at his food, lost in thought. "Or is that your way of telling me my food's not great?"

Kuroo shakes his head and starts shovelling rice into his mouth.

\---

Kuroo gets a Thursday off from Sawamura's tutoring sessions when it so happens that the last qualifying match for Nationals falls on that very day and Kuroo has a match to be had against Nohebi and that snake, Daishou. He wishes they could have won their match against Fukurodani and avoided facing off against Nohebi because Nohebi plays _dirty_ and Kuroo hates risking any of his teammates getting injured during their match.

They play warily, they play well, and they win, but be it out of bad luck or the sheer pressure Nohebi exerts on them, Yaku comes out of it with a sprained ankle and Kuroo rips a nail on a failed receive. It is still bleeding after the match and Kuroo winces as he peels back the bandages and resolves to leave it for home. They are packing up and ready to move out when Kuroo glances around the venue one last time. Sometime during the match, Kuroo swears that he had seen Daishou's ex-girlfriend, Mika, and he scans the stands for her, wondering if this means that Daishou still has hope with patching things up with her.

Instead of Mika, Kuroo finds a familiar face, one he hadn't expected to see in the sports hall, and he startles as Sawamura waves at him. Sawamura looks relaxed, his elbows resting on the railings at the front of the stands. He is in neutral territory, neither on Nekoma's nor Nohebi's side of the stands, and Kuroo feels somewhat reassured by that as he waves back at him.

"Someone you know?" Kai asks as he comes up beside Kuroo with Yaku leaning on his shoulder.

"Yeah. I hadn't expected to see him here though," Kuroo says, slinging his arm around Yaku's shoulders and taking some of his weight off Kai.

"Who is he?" Yaku asks, peering in Sawamura's direction.

"The tutor that my mom hired."

"That's him? What is he doing here?" Yaku asks. Then his face splits into a grin as he remembers, "Oh wait, don't you have a session today? What are you still doing here when you should be off getting some learning done?"

Kuroo nudges Yaku. "I'm off today. In case you haven't noticed, we have an important match today."

"Lucky for you." Yaku nudges right back, sticking a sharp elbow into Kuroo's side mercilessly. "Having to study on your birthday would suck."

"And playing in a qualifying match for Nationals on my birthday doesn't suck?" Kuroo asks, raising an eyebrow at Yaku.

"No way. It's the best thing that could happen on your birthday." Yaku grins.

Kuroo grins right back.

"You should say hello to him," Kai remarks from Yaku's other side, bringing their attention back to Sawamura. "He might be here to see you."

"Why would he be?" Kuroo asks, surprised.

"Perhaps he's a dedicated tutor who takes interest in his student's activities beyond their studies," Kai suggests mildly.

That... sort of sounds like Sawamura, but even for him, coming all the way down to cheer on a student he only sees for two hours per week seems extreme.

They vacate the court for the next team to start their warmups and Kuroo leaves Yaku with Kai and the rest of the team as he climbs up to the stands where he saw Sawamura. Sawamura is still there, watching the ongoing match attentively. His posture is relaxed, but a line of tension runs from his neck down to his spine. From this angle, there is a light in Sawamura's eyes that Kuroo hasn't seen before as he tracks the back and forth between the two teams still playing on the court.

Sawamura doesn't even notice Kuroo when he stops beside him and Kuroo flounders, unsure if he should interrupt Sawamura when he looks this engrossed in the match. Then Sawamura turns his head, distracted by the lanky figure in white and red hovering near him, and a smile spreads across his face.

"Hey," Sawamura says, gesturing for Kuroo to join him and Kuroo takes a step forward, copying Sawamura's pose and leaning his elbows on the railings. "Good match you played there."

"Everyone's been training really hard for this," Kuroo tells him, suddenly feeling self-conscious knowing that Sawamura had been watching his match.

"I can tell. Your team's like a well-oiled machine when it comes to team plays," Sawamura says, going back to watching the match below them. "I'm envious."

"Do you play volleyball?" Kuroo asks.

"I used to, in high school just like you," Sawamura replies, a wistful look entering his eyes. "Then I continued in university until things got too hectic and I dropped it entirely."

"Do you miss it?"

Sawamura smiles a bit, but there is something sad about it as Kuroo looks at him, framed by the clash of action and noise on the courts below and the glaring lights on the ceiling above him. He doesn't look as out of place in the sports hall as Kuroo had first thought; it was just that Kuroo had grown so used to seeing Sawamura in his room, bent over his table and marking Kuroo's papers with a red pen, that it had seemed odd for Kuroo to see him anywhere else.

"A little," Sawamura admits. "You should know how great it feels to stand on court and feel like you could do anything with your teammates around you."

"I do." Kuroo knows what Sawamura means and part of him aches whenever he thinks about how this is his last year with Nekoma. "What position did you play?"

"I was a wing spiker. You're a middle blocker, aren't you?" A corner of Sawamura's mouth quirks up as he grins at Kuroo. "And the captain too."

Kuroo doesn't blush—he never blushes—but his face is overheated from exertion and he thinks he should have spent more time cooling down instead of coming straight to find Sawamura. "It was the will of the people. I won through popular vote."

"I think they made a good choice," Sawamura says approvingly. "I was watching your match."

Kuroo remembers what Kai had said about Sawamura being here to watch him and he swallows, suddenly nervous as he blurts out, "Did you come here to watch my match?"

Sawamura's eyes widen in surprise and Kuroo knows that he got it wrong even before Sawamura opens his mouth. "I come here to watch the volleyball matches from time to time, especially since it's the Spring High now," Sawamura says, somewhat apologetically, which makes Kuroo want to hide behind one of the seats in the stands and possibly never come out again. "But I knew that your match was today and that it was a qualifying match so I definitely wanted to see that. Speaking of which," Sawamura changes the subject before Kuroo can spontaneously self-destruct, "how are your fingers? I thought I saw blood when you were wrapping them up."

"Oh, they'll be fine," Kuroo says, wiggling his mummified fingers at Sawamura. "It's just a torn nail."

"You better get that cleaned up as soon as possible."

Kuroo nods, jerking his thumb towards the exit. "Actually, I think I should get back to my team before they send out a rescue team for me."

Sawamura chuckles. "You better get going then. And don't forget that next Thursday's session is on as usual."

Kuroo groans, probably more dramatically than needed, and Sawamura goes back to watching the ongoing match as Kuroo turns tail and flees, still mortified that he had even thought that Sawamura might be here for him.

\---

Nationals come and go in a blink of an eye and in spring, Kuroo finds himself buried in mock tests and study guides. Volleyball practices and matches have become a thing of the not-so-distant past and Kuroo spends more time indoors studying than running around in school gyms. That door is closed and Kuroo has to work fervently to wrench open another door for himself in the upcoming entrance exams.

Sawamura comes in three times a week now, bringing with him more papers to do, more study plans to adhere to, and more snacks for Kuroo to munch on while he studies. Now that the Nationals are over and the responsibilities of the Nekoma Volleyball Team have been handed over to the second years, everything in his life has narrowed down to the sole goal of getting into Tokyo University. And, frankly, it is just about driving Kuroo crazy.

The thing is, Nationals had just ended for Nekoma a week ago and Kuroo is still smarting from their loss to the Miyagi powerhouse, Shiratorizawa. It was a respectable loss and Nekoma had made it much further than anyone had expected so Kuroo, Yaku, and Kai could step down with pride. But a loss is still a loss and it grates on Kuroo like salt in a raw wound. They could have gone so much further, stayed for so much longer, perhaps even won it all. Kuroo wants to believe they could have and that he would never have to leave Nekoma.

He doesn't want to be studying for entrance exams or be cooped up at home all day, reading until his eyes blur and writing until his hands are smudged with ink. He wants to be doing _something_.

"Okay, stop," Sawamura calls out and Kuroo shoves his mock test paper away, having barely answered any of the questions. It is disappointing for him and he looks at his lap so that he doesn't see the disapproval on Sawamura's face.

Sawamura sighs, plucking the paper out from under Kuroo's hands. Silence fills the room, muffling the sounds filtering through Kuroo's open window and expanding outwards from the both of them at the table until Kuroo breaks first.

He looks up, his shoulders tense and his jaw clenched, and Sawamura looks back at him from across the table, one hand propped under his chin and his other hand resting on the table. Sawamura doesn't say anything but he raises an eyebrow and Kuroo takes personal offence to that.

"What?" Kuroo snaps, hunching in on himself. Sitting face-to-face like this, Kuroo is still taller than Sawamura but he has never felt it when Sawamura has always seemed so much bigger than Kuroo. He hates Sawamura's unflappable calm and bottomless pool of knowledge and the way he feeds Kuroo right answers and snacks in equal parts until he wants to burst.

His mom has always said that Kuroo was a patient child with a slow temper, but looking at Sawamura's impassive face now, Kuroo thinks she had been wrong. Kuroo feels prickly now, full of spines pushing out of his skin and pointing outwards, daring the nearest person to just _try_ to touch him.

"You know, I'm surprised it took this long for you to snap," Sawamura remarks lightly.

Kuroo glares at him. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"I've been tutoring you for almost half a year now and you're the most infuriatingly good-natured, studious, and ambitious student I've ever had," Sawamura says. "I was expecting you to shut me out of your house by December, honestly."

"I'm not any of that," Kuroo replies heatedly.

"I've been pushing you too hard," Sawamura sighs. "You never showed signs of flagging while managing your academics and volleyball career so I got ambitious with you."

"I messed up my 'volleyball career' so I'm not surprised the other one is going the same way," Kuroo says bitterly.

"You did not mess up your volleyball career."

"Tell that to Ushiwaka," Kuroo bites out. "Tell that to my team."

"Ushijima Wakatoshi is a perfectly fine young man who doesn't deserve your vitriol," Sawamura says mildly. "And your team loves you. When I watch your matches, all I see is a team of players who look up to and respect their captain."

"Well, they're wrong," Kuroo says forcefully and he feels his gut twist in guilt. "They picked the wrong captain."

"Okay, fine." Sawamura nods. "They were wrong. They picked the wrong captain. The popular vote failed them. Kuroo Tetsurou should not have been Nekoma's captain. What else?"

"You were wrong about me too."

"About what?"

"I'm not good-natured or studious or ambitious or anything. I just want to—" Kuroo runs out of breath on that sentence and he finds that he doesn't know how to complete it. He wants to go to a good university, he wants to make his mom proud, he wants to do Sawamura's tutoring justice, but what does _he_ want?

When Kuroo looks up at Sawamura, he doesn't see the answer there and Sawamura gazes back at him, his eyes steady and kind. "When was the last time you took a break from your studies, Tetsurou-kun? Went outside for a while?"

"I'm not wilting from the lack of sunlight or something." Kuroo scowls.

Sawamura shrugs. "You might be. You're looking a little limp around the edges." He gestures towards his hair.

As Kuroo checks his hair with his hands, outraged, Sawamura starts packing up. There is still an hour left on the clock and Sawamura puts the papers back into their folders and the folders into his bag. Kuroo drops his hands from his hair, feeling a pang of disappointment in his chest. "Are you leaving?"

"Yup." Sawamura nods, zipping up his bag. "And so are you."

"What?" Kuroo asks blankly.

"We're going for a walk to stretch those legs." Sawamura stands and his gaze drifts to Kuroo's hair again. "Maybe even get some sunlight for that house plant of yours."

"Ha ha," Kuroo mutters but Sawamura is already out of the door, without turning back to see if Kuroo is following behind.

Kuroo stays right where he is, determined to be stubborn. But after five minutes pass without Sawamura reappearing at his door, Kuroo shifts his legs restlessly, uncrossing one after another. He is pretty sure that Sawamura leaving in the middle of a tutoring session would be considered as skipping out on work. He should just tell his mom that Sawamura did that and be free of a tutor like he wanted from the start.

But somehow, Kuroo finds himself shoving his phone in his pocket and leaving his room, descending the stairs to find Sawamura looking up at him from the front door.

"Don't forget your keys," Sawamura reminds him as he holds the door open for Kuroo.

\---

"Now what?" Kuroo asks, unimpressed as Sawamura leads him meandering through the neighbourhood. It isn't anything he hasn't seen before since he lives here, just houses and then the shopping district further down.

Sawamura shrugs. "I don't know. I'm going home. What about you?"

Kuroo scowls at him, turning on his heel to stalk back home, but Sawamura catches him by the arm before he can leave.

"I was kidding," Sawamura says, tugging gently at Kuroo's arm until Kuroo starts walking again. A meditative silence falls between them as they walk on until Sawamura breaks it with, "Do you really think you played badly against Shiratorizawa at the Nationals?"

Kuroo shoves his hands in his pockets. "We lost against them."

"That's the outcome," Sawamura says. "What I was asking is if your team was in any way slacking off or just plain bad at their plays during the course of the match?"

"No, not them," Kuroo says defensively, thinking of his team.

"Then was it you?" Sawamura asks mildly. "Did you single-handedly bring about Nekoma's downfall with your terrible captaincy?"

Kuroo grits his teeth. He wants to say yes, remembering the phantom touch of all the balls he failed to save on court. But a kinder voice whispers in his head that no, he didn't. He had played just as hard as everyone else on the team, gave it his all until the last ball had fallen on court. It hadn't been his team's fault or his fault. It had simply been a good match fought between two teams that had needed a winner and loser by the end of it all.

Sawamura is still eyeing him expectantly, waiting for an answer, and Kuroo deflates, all the hot air blowing right out of him. Maybe his mom had been right about him after all. Slow to anger and quick to fade. This still doesn't mean that he is going to give Sawamura the satisfaction of an answer so Kuroo just trudges along, bringing back the silence between Sawamura and him.

But Sawamura doesn't seem to mind as he keeps pace with Kuroo, a strangely comforting presence beside him as he walks through the neighbourhood. They reach a park and Sawamura ambles into it, leaving Kuroo no choice but to follow him in. A food truck is parked near the entrance, plastered with posters of brightly coloured crepes, and Sawamura walks right up to it, looking at Kuroo over his shoulder as he asks, "Which flavour do you want?"

Five minutes later, Kuroo finds himself sitting on a park bench beside Sawamura with a crepe in hand. Spring is in full bloom and the trees are bursting with life, vivid colours painting the park around them in a pretty picture. Anger feels like a misplaced emotion in this setting and Kuroo nibbles at the edge of his crepe, frustrated and uncertain about how he is supposed to feel at all now.

"I was a captain like you in high school," Sawamura says casually, as if they had been having a pleasant conversation all along and he was just continuing it. "I said I was envious of your team because my team was full of complete hooligans."

Kuroo side-eyes Sawamura, trying to think of him as a hooligan in high school.

"Not in the way you think," Sawamura says, noticing Kuroo's doubtful look. "We weren't gangsters and delinquents but we were mismatched and a rough fit for each other. Our ace had the face of a thug but he had the most fragile glass heart ever and our vice-captain looked like an angel but was really the devil in disguise." Sawamura shakes his head, a rueful smile on his face. "And don't even get me started on our first year weirdoes."

"Were you guys any good?" Kuroo asks, trying to think of the colourful characters Sawamura described coming together as a team. It could happen, Kuroo decides, thinking of his own team. They had their fair share of weirdoes too and they still managed to make things work.

"We got to the Nationals," Sawamura says, munching on his crepe. "And I was appropriately bitter because the possibility of winning it all had been so close before it got shut down right in front of us."

"That must have sucked," Kuroo says sarcastically.

Sawamura nods. "So much. And the worst part is that I still had for study for the entrance exams right afterwards."

"Sounds like a living nightmare."

"And my goal was Todai and you know how hard it is to get into _Todai_."

"Absolutely."

"But in the end, I got in. I had to kick my ass into gear, my friends had to kick my ass into gear, and it was the worst thing I had ever experienced," Sawamura says. "But I got in, and here I am now, tutoring ambitious young volleyball captains who go around with bedhead and treating them to crepes in the middle of their tutoring sessions."

"Is this the part where you say 'And you can do it too, Tetsurou-kun'?"

"Nah, I was just telling you my story," Sawamura says, finishing his crepe cleanly. "What are you going to do, Tetsurou-kun?"

Kuroo stares, blinking slowly as he realises that this is the second time Sawamura has pulled this on him in a day. "I'd call you an asshole but my mom told me to be polite to you."

"Thank goodness you didn't call me that then," Sawamura says wryly. "I'd have to tell her."

The urge to laugh bubbles up in Kuroo's chest, sudden and intense. He is acutely aware that his crepe is dripping melted ice cream all over his hand and he applies his tongue to his hand hurriedly. When he stares at the mushy, melted mess folded into his crepe, the corners of his lips tug upwards and he starts guffawing quietly into his crepe before he realises that he can't stop. Kuroo leans over, trying to stem the flow of ugly laughter that pours out of his throat and the sudden tears that drip onto the ground under him like the start of a rainstorm.

His crepe is all but ruined but it feels good to be laughing and crying out loud, his stomach curled in tight on itself until he takes a deep breath and realises that the knots in his chest have loosened. Sawamura isn't looking at him but he is still there with Kuroo on the bench, a silent, reassuring presence as he pats his back soothingly.

"Which high school were you from?" Kuroo asks once he can speak again, all the ugly noises in his throat dissolving into hiccups as he wipes his eyes on his sleeves.

"I'm not telling you now," Sawamura says. As Kuroo turns to look at Sawamura accusingly, Sawamura continues, "But how about this? When you get into Todai, I'll tell you which high school I went to. I think you would have heard of us."

"What, were you from Shiratorizawa?" Kuroo croaks, exasperated. "Should I give you a running start when you tell me that Ushiwaka is your junior?'

"There's only one way to find out." Sawamura laughs, a bright sound in the fading evening, warm in a way that makes Kuroo's face tingle with heat. He hadn't felt like this before leaving the house or in the entire week after Nekoma's loss. But somehow, with Sawamura here by his side, Kuroo feels like everything might turn out to be okay after all.

\---

**Me (12.15pm): I GOT INTO TODAI**

**Me (12.17pm): <( ˘ ︶ ˘ )>**

**Me (12.17pm): So spill it, Sawamura. Which high school were you from?**

**Me (12.18pm): *Sawamura-san**

**Me (10.00pm): Sawamura-san?**

**Me (1.23am): Sawamura-san???**

\---

Two days after Kuroo receives his acceptance letter from Tokyo University, the doorbell rings.

His mom isn't home so Kuroo makes his way down the stairs, yawning as he goes to answer the door. He had been catnapping, making up for all the sleep he lost over the past few months. It feels good to finally get a period of extended rest after all that intensive studying and he feels it in his head, in his bones, in his _back_ , how much he needed to do nothing but sleep.

Sawamura still hasn't answered any of his text messages and Kuroo tries not to feel too hopeful as he opens the door. As expected, it isn't Sawamura, just a deliveryman with a package for Kuroo and Kuroo takes the package from him glumly. It isn't only after Kuroo has shut the door that he remembers that he hadn't been expecting anything.

Kuroo eyes the package suspiciously. It is a nondescript thing, a standard flat, rectangular cardboard box. It doesn't rattle when he shakes it but it has a decent weight to it when he holds it in his hands. Curiosity gets the better of him and Kuroo takes a penknife to it carefully.

A book sits inside, with a sleek black cover and a ribbon bookmark down the middle. It is a planner and Kuroo flips through the empty pages, confused as to why it would have been sent to him. A familiar handwriting catches his eye on the first page and he flips back to it hurriedly. The name "Sawamura" jumps out at him and Kuroo's shoulders relax as he reads the words written on the page:

**"Congratulations on getting into Todai, Tetsurou-kun!**

**Not to exaggerate but I knew you could do it. You're good-natured, studious, and ambitious (don't fight me on this—I'm your senior), and you've worked so hard over the past year, I would be surprised if you didn't get into Todai. Keep it up and you'll get far not only in your academics, but in life.**

**This planner is a little congratulations-for-getting-into-the-university-of-your-dreams present from me and I hope you use it well in your coming school year. Life is going to get hectic for you very soon so you're going to need some help mapping out your future.**

**P.S: To answer your question, I was from Karasuno High School."**

There is a drawing of a crow in the bottom corner of the page, accompanied by a scribble that reads, "Crows rule the trash heap", and Kuroo realises what that means. He has heard stories from his seniors, from Naoi-sensei, from Nekomata-sensei, about a rivalry between Nekoma and a school in Miyagi by the name of Karasuno. The cats and the crows, they had been called, and their rivalry had been affectionately called "The Battle of the Trash Heap". They had fallen out of contact by the time Kuroo entered Nekoma but he had always been intrigued by the idea that his school had a rival once and a whole history between them built around a promise that they would meet at the top.

Kuroo thinks about Sawamura's team as he had described them, the colourful characters that had come together and made it all the way to the Nationals, just as Kuroo had done with his team. For certain, Sawamura had known about the past between Nekoma and Karasuno. If they had been the same age, Kuroo's team would have faced off against the very same team of hooligans that Sawamura described. Kuroo would have faced off against Sawamura. Things might have been different.

Kuroo might have been able to tell Sawamura what he really thought of him.

"Asshole," Kuroo mutters under his breath, now that neither his mom nor Sawamura are here to hear him. He traces his finger over the black ink crow Sawamura had drawn in his planner, rereads the message Sawamura had written for him, and grins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be up in a couple of days!


	2. Moving Out

It has been a week since Kuroo moved into his new apartment near Tokyo University and he has explored every corner of his new neighbourhood, made friends with some of the shop owners, and finally, _finally_ , unpacked all the boxes he had brought from home. It is dinnertime by the time Kuroo folds all the boxes up and stashes them away and he dusts his hands off while thinking about what to eat. He should start cooking for himself soon to save on food expenses, but it had just been so convenient to pop by one of the small restaurants in the area instead. Tomorrow, Kuroo thinks. He will go shopping for groceries in the morning and start making his own meals tomorrow.

But for now, Kuroo leaves his apartment, stepping out of the door just as the external lights in the corridor crackle to life. The jangling of keys from his neighbour's door distracts Kuroo and he looks to his side, curious about his new neighbour. In the week he has been here, he hasn't seen them but he has heard muffled footsteps on the other side of his wall and their five in the morning alarm, which cuts off almost as soon as it starts to ring. He has seen their well-kept box plants in their balcony and the laundry they hang out to dry on sunny days. Kuroo swears he recognises some of the shirts, cardigans, and jeans they hang out to dry and as he turns his head to look at his new neighbour he realises why.

"Sawamura-san?" Kuroo says incredulously and Sawamura startles, his keys spilling out of his hand and onto the floor.

Sawamura turns to face him, looking just as surprised as Kuroo as he asks, "Tetsurou-kun?"

"What are you doing here?"

"I live here. What are _you_ doing here?"

"I live here too. Since, uh, last week."

Recognition dawns on Sawamura's face and he says, "So you were the one banging around next door with the boxes and, what, pots and pans?"

Kuroo grimaces. "I dropped a pot _once_."

"Sound really carries in this building," Sawamura says, his surprise melting into a familiar grin. He bends down to scoop up his keys from the floor and Kuroo doesn't blush—why would he?—but he realises, for the first time since meeting Sawamura again, that his ex-tutor is wearing a suit instead of the soft cardigans and worn jeans Kuroo had grown used to seeing him in.

The suit with its sharp, tailored cut flatters Sawamura's body line, hugging his toned arms and thighs as he reaches down to pick the keys up. By the time Sawamura straightens up, Kuroo is sure that he is staring and even as Sawamura turns his attention back on him, Kuroo can't seem to bring himself to look away.

Sawamura raises an eyebrow, looking down at himself as if trying to see what Kuroo is staring at, and Kuroo blurts out, "Have you been dressing down for my tutoring sessions?"

Sawamura looks confused for a moment before he breaks into a grin. "Oh, no. I got a new job."

"An actual desk job?" Kuroo asks, breathing a sigh of relief that Sawamura hadn't called him out for staring. "Never recovered from having me as a student, did you?

"Absolutely scarred for life," Sawamura chuckles and something in Kuroo's stomach squirms pleasantly at the sound of his voice. He hasn't seen Sawamura for three months and he has missed him.

Kuroo has always liked Sawamura, despite his early complaints about having a tutor at all, and after receiving Sawamura's congratulatory present, Kuroo had entertained a few daydreams about Sawamura still being in Karasuno and the both of them battling it out at Nationals in the fated Battle of the Trash Heap. He wonders what Sawamura had been like at his age, if he had always been so sturdy and reassuring or if he had been a fumbling high school student like Kuroo. He thinks it would be unfair if Sawamura was exactly the same at age seventeen as he is now.

"Tetsurou-kun, have you eaten yet?" Sawamura asks as he opens his door.

"I was going to grab something," Kuroo replies, gesturing vaguely outwards.

"Would you like to eat dinner with me? I was going to make dinner for myself but I think I could spare some for a beanpole like you." Sawamura grins as Kuroo pouts at the beanpole remark. He hasn't been a beanpole since his first year of high school. He has _muscles_ now. "We could catch up over dinner."

"I'm not one to turn down a free meal so don't be surprised if this beanpole eats you out of house and home," Kuroo informs him.

"As youngsters should," Sawamura says sagely as he holds open the door for Kuroo.

\---

"Hello, mom?" Kuroo says as he pads out onto the small balcony attached to his apartment, holding his phone to his ear.

It is a grey morning, cold enough that Kuroo feels it through his pyjamas. The air is cool and fresh and Kuroo breathes in deep and exhales it as a yawn, slouching over his railings to watch the comings and goings of the street below him.

_"Tetsu! Honey, how have you been?"_

"I'm fine. All unpacked and officially moved in."

_"It's about time. I thought you were going to move back if you procrastinated on unpacking any longer."_

"You'll never know. If the neighbours get too noisy for my liking I might show up on your doorstep again." Kuroo grins and turns around, leaning back against the railings as he looks towards his side, at the neighbouring balcony. "By the way, you'll never guess who I ran into here."

_"Yaku-kun?"_

"Nope."

_"Kai-kun?"_

"Nope."

_"Kenma?"_

"I'm pretty sure he's still asleep next door to you."

_"I could go on, Tetsu."_

Kuroo chuckles. She could and she would, just to annoy him.

On the balcony next to him, Sawamura putters around in the small space, hanging up his laundry and watering his plants. He sees Kuroo looking and he waves, a small smile warming his face. His hair is still tousled from sleep and he is wearing a plain shirt and shorts that Kuroo is certain he had slept in. It feels strangely intimate to be seeing Sawamura disheveled like this in the morning and Kuroo doesn't blush—his circulatory system isn't awake for that yet—but he thinks he feels the sun warming his face as it creeps out from behind the clouds.

He curls his toes against the cool surface of the balcony floor and flashes a smile back at Sawamura, saying into his phone, "Sawamura-san's here, mom."

_"Sawamura-san? As in the man who tutored my son into Todai?"_

"The one and the only. He's my neighbour."

_"Really?"_

"What are the odds, right?"

_"Well, I did get this apartment listing from the same friend that recommended Sawamura as a tutor to me. Maybe she's friends with him."_

Kuroo takes a silent moment to fervently thank his mom's friend.

_"Tetsu?"_

"Hrm?"

_"You know, I'm kind of relieved that Sawamura-san's there. It may be a bit selfish of me to say this but I know he'll look out for you even if I'm not there. He's a good person."_

"He is," Kuroo agrees quietly, slightly embarrassed to be talking about Sawamura when he is barely a metre away from him. "You know, the funny thing is that we just found out we were neighbours yesterday and he treated me to dinner."

 _"He's always feeding you, isn't he, Tetsu?"_ Kuroo's mom cackles. _"I'm surprised you barely fattened up at all after snacking throughout the afternoon and then eating dinner right afterwards while studying for your entrance exams."_

"Ha, takes more than that to fatten me up," Kuroo says smugly, running a hand over his lean stomach.

_"Return the favour one day, won't you, Tetsu? I didn't teach you how to cook only for you to mooch off others for the rest of your life."_

"I'm going grocery shopping later."

_"That's my boy. Give my regards to Sawamura-san for me."_

"I will. Love you, mom."

_"Love you too, Tetsu. Call me again soon, alright?"_

Kuroo puts down the phone and his gaze drifts over to Sawamura again. He is still there, prodding a leafy houseplant in a corner of his balcony and checking its pot.

"Talking to your mom?" Sawamura asks, glancing up at Kuroo.

"She sends her regards."

"Send my regards back the next time you call her."

"Roger that. But I mean, you guys have each other's numbers, don't you?"

"That's the way adults do things. We just pass messages through youngsters until the youngster gets sick of us and leaves." Sawamura grins up from his potted plant.

Kuroo rolls his eyes and tries not to smile. "I can't leave. I haven't even started school."

"Tough luck." Sawamura stands up with a groan and a click resounds through the air. To Kuroo's surprise, Sawamura colours faintly as he explains, "That was my knee. Volleyball does that to you."

"I'll be really careful from now on." Kuroo touches a hand to his own knee.

"Well," Sawamura says, dusting off his hands. "I've got to start breakfast now if I want to make it for work so I'll see you around, Tetsurou-kun."

Kuroo waves at him as he watches Sawamura go back into his apartment. The wind chime hanging from the top of his balcony door sounds in the slight breeze that follows Sawamura in and Kuroo stays on his balcony for a while longer, taking in the morning.

\---

He had been warned about the drinking parties that happened in university. Kuroo had been prepared—or so he thought, because the ground is lurching under his feet and his esophagus might be trying to crawl out of his throat. He had been lucky that he hadn't passed out dead drunk like some of his friends and he had waved off any offers to call a cab for him. He lived within walking distance of the campus for a reason and he can still walk.

He even makes it all the way up the four flights of stairs it takes to get to his apartment, which gives him reason to be smug as he fishes his keys out of his pocket. Kuroo can't wait to lie down and sleep off the nausea circling through his head and stomach. But for some reason, his key won't fit into the keyhole and he tries it again and then again unsuccessfully. His next try goes wide as the door swings open by itself and Kuroo falls forward because the door had been the only thing holding him up until it disappeared.

Hands steady him before Kuroo falls flat on his face in the entryway and he drapes himself over his mysterious door guardian, mumbling his thanks.

"Tetsurou-kun?" That is the sound of disapproval and Kuroo whines because he lives alone, which means he doesn't get judged for his actions anymore.

Kuroo slumps to the floor as his door guardian buckles under his weight, while still managing to keep Kuroo vertical, which is a smart move in Kuroo's opinion. He doesn't think he could handle going horizontal without expelling the contents of his stomach and he doesn't want to deal with the aftermath of that.

A cool hand smooths Kuroo's hair back and he thinks he purrs a bit because that feels good against his heated face. With his hair out of his face, Kuroo can finally see properly and he sees Sawamura right in front of him, his mouth turned down in a frown.

"Whyyyy," Kuroo mumbles, trying to paw at Sawamura's face. He has never seen him frown and it makes him feel bad, like he had done something wrong. He prefers Sawamura's smiles so much more and the way they make him feel all tingly inside.

"You are so drunk, Tetsurou-kun." Sawamura catches Kuroo by the forearms, tugging him up until they are both standing again. "God, I thought you were the world's worst robber trying to break into my apartment."

"'Is my house," Kuroo slurs, leaning heavily on Sawamura as Sawamura drags him in with a grunt.

"No, it's mine." Sawamura sets him down on something soft and props him up so that Kuroo doesn't flop over immediately. It goes quiet for a while and Kuroo blinks hazily, trying to focus on his surroundings until Sawamura fills his vision again and puts a wet towel on his face. "I should tell your mom about this."

"Nooooooo, doooon't," Kuroo protests, waving his hands before him, and the world sways.

"Okay, okay, I won't. Just don't move around anymore, Tetsurou-kun. Please don't throw up on my bed." Sawamura catches Kuroo hurriedly before he can fall over. He thrusts a cup of water into Kuroo's hands and guides it to his lips, coaxing him to drink.

Kuroo drinks obediently, gazing at Sawamura through his lashes as Sawamura bends over him. Sawamura's eyebrows are furrowed and his mouth is still a thin line of disapproval, but his hands are cool against Kuroo's hands and Kuroo wishes that Sawamura would touch his face again. It had felt good.

He makes a garbled noise as he tries to tell Sawamura that and Sawamura takes the cup away, holding Kuroo steady with one arm. It is a good arm, a nice arm, and Kuroo pats it as Sawamura manoeuvres him into lying down. He doesn't let it go even after his back touches the bed and Sawamura tugs on his arm, trying to reclaim it from Kuroo.

"Y'know, my mom thinks you're handsome," Kuroo says as he looks up at Sawamura, haloed by the ceiling light behind him and looking like a heavenly door guardian angel. He can't even see Sawamura that well in his drunken state but he knows what Sawamura looks like and he has always liked how Sawamura looked.

"Thank her for me," Sawamura says as he pries Kuroo's grasping hands off his arm, finger by finger.

"I think you're handsome too."

"Thank you, Tetsurou-kun," Sawamura says patiently, setting Kuroo's hands down on either side of him.

"I really like you, Saaaaamura-san," Kuroo sighs, latching onto Sawamura's hands and folding his fingers over Sawamura's. They are strong and steady, just like all of Sawamura and Kuroo smiles giddily, pleased.

Sawamura extracts his hands from Kuroo's grip but before Kuroo can protest, he strokes Kuroo's hair back again, affection and amusement mingling in his voice as he says, "You're sweet."

"No, you are."

"Cute."

"No, you."

"You're drunk."

"No," Kuroo thinks about his answer carefully because one corner of Sawamura's lips is quirked upwards, which makes Kuroo think there is a trick to this. "You."

Sawamura snorts and Kuroo's smile widens. "Go to sleep, Tetsurou-kun."

Kuroo feels blindly for Sawamura's hand, his fingers curling around Sawamura's wrist and keeping his hand there in his hair. It feels nice, having his hair stroked like this and he doesn't want Sawamura to stop when Kuroo falls asleep. "Stay here with me?"

"I will," Sawamura assures him with a laugh. "It's my apartment after all."

\---

Morning brings with it regret and a headache that pounds away on the inside of Kuroo's skull, making him whimper and curl up with the pain before he even comes into consciousness. He has never gotten this drunk in his life and now that he has, he doesn't ever want a repeat experience. He feels like the walking dead. Or the lying dead, since he is still horizontal on his bed.

Kuroo buries his face in his pillow and hugs it with both arms like his life depends on it. He doesn't think he can open his eyes and face the day. He lies on his stomach, the blankets tangled around his body as he does his best impression of a dead fish.

The first thought he has as his brain slowly wakes up is that his pillow smells different. The second thought he has is that he is short of a pillow, which he can't find even as he sweeps his arm out over his bed. His third thought, after a considerable amount of breathing into a different-smelling pillow and finding no extra pillow, is that perhaps, maybe, this isn't his bed.

Kuroo pushes himself up on his hands in cold sweat, frantically scanning the bed for an extra body. He is alone in the bed and Kuroo checks his clothes next, finding them whole and intact on his person. Nothing feels out of sorts except the insistent pounding in his head and Kuroo breathes a sigh of relief before looking around the apartment.

For a brief moment, Kuroo thinks that he had got it wrong and he _is_ back at his apartment. But then he realises that despite the similar layout, the contents of this apartment are different. There is a writing desk where his luggage bag should be and a bookcase pushed up against the wall where Kuroo had left it empty to maximise the space in his apartment. A volleyball sits on the bottom shelf of the bookcase but it is the wrong colour and a wind chime rings softly, disturbed by the slight draft that blows through the crack in the balcony door. Kuroo pales.

From what he can tell, he is alone in Sawamura's apartment and guilt swallows Kuroo whole as he remembers, in excruciating clarity, everything that had happened last night after he had reached his apartment building. There is no sign of Sawamura as Kuroo throws off his blankets, swings his legs off the side of the bed, and stays stock-still as a wave of nausea rises in him. There is a cup of water by his bedside and Kuroo takes it gingerly, uncovering a note under it that reads:

**"Take these if you're feeling hungover and whatever you do, please do NOT throw up on my bed, Tetsurou-kun. You know where my bathroom is.**

**I left breakfast on the counter for you. You're welcome to rest in my bed for as long as you like. Or until I come back and need my bed back. Whichever comes first.**

**\- Sawamura"**

Kuroo takes the pills Sawamura had left for him. Then he puts his head in his hands and contemplates drowning himself in the last inch of water left in the cup. He remembers everything and he is pretty sure that he had felt up Sawamura's arms in several inappropriate ways last night. Then he had hit on him in the worst way possible—by involving his _mom_ , of all things. And the absolute, most disastrous thing was that Sawamura had only been _amused_ by everything Kuroo had done. He had petted Kuroo's hair and called him cute and out of every embarrassing thing that had transpired last night, Kuroo is the most mortified by that.

Kuroo likes Sawamura—drunk, uninhibited Kuroo had made that very clear—but he hadn't thought that he liked Sawamura _that_ much until he was looking at Sawamura's mouth last night and thinking about how much he wanted to kiss him before he passed out.

\---

Needless to say, things are awkward for the both of them for the next few weeks. Or for Kuroo, at least. Sawamura had asked how he was the very next day and Kuroo had stuttered out his thanks and apologies and not much of a real answer before he ducked back into his apartment. With the new semester starting and new friends to be made, Kuroo's schedule becomes unpredictable and he doesn't see Sawamura around as much.

He still thinks about Sawamura though. Sawamura looking after him while he was drunk gives him new material for his thoughts. His daydreams of Sawamura in high school meeting him at Nationals turn to daydreams of his hands cupping Kuroo's face and stroking his hair, and his smiles and his mouth. When Kuroo wakes up one morning with his shorts uncomfortably damp and hot, he buries his burning face back into his pillow and tries unsuccessfully to suffocate himself.

"How has school been, Tetsurou-kun?" Sawamura asks him one morning as he hangs his laundry out on his balcony, smiling sleepily at him.

"Um, fine." Kuroo shrugs and considers making an escape so that he doesn't have to face the guilt of looking at Sawamura after waking up hot and sweaty again. But he stays, because it has been weeks since he has seen Sawamura properly and as embarrassed as Kuroo is about his crush, he misses Sawamura.

"Making friends, playing volleyball, and keeping up with your assignments?" Sawamura asks, stretching to hang his last article of clothing and Kuroo averts his eyes from the small sliver of skin that shows between his shirt and shorts.

"Check, check, and check. All in that order," Kuroo says. _And nursing the biggest crush in the universe on you right at the top of that list,_ he thinks.

"Sounds about right," Sawamura comments. He turns away from his laundry to face Kuroo and Kuroo freezes in place, blindsided by Sawamura's sudden full attention. "Would you like to come over for dinner tonight? We haven't had dinner in a while and I have some extra groceries lying about."

"Yes, please," Kuroo squeaks, his desire to have dinner with Sawamura again overriding his fear of embarrassing himself in front of Sawamura.

"So polite," Sawamura teases. "What happened to the threats of eating me out of house and home?"

"I can absolutely still eat you out" —Kuroo doesn't blush so much as he spontaneously explodes as he realises the innuendo in that— "OF HOUSE AND HOME."

Sawamura blinks at Kuroo's sudden rise in volume. "Well, okay. I'll be sure to cook extra for you then. Is curry rice alright with you?"

Sawamura sounds sympathetic as he says that, eyeing Kuroo as if expecting him to faint from hunger at any time, and Kuroo can't do anything but nod dumbly, not trusting himself to say anything ever again. Sawamura seems satisfied with that and he picks up his laundry basket, waving to Kuroo as he goes back into his apartment. Only when Kuroo is absolutely certain that Sawamura is gone does he slither to the ground in a useless heap and wonder how he is going to survive the evening.

\---

Kuroo shows up at Sawamura's apartment at exactly six and hovers by him as finishes cooking, offering his help and being waved off by Sawamura. It is nice, being in Sawamura's apartment again and having dinner with him, and Kuroo would enjoy it if not for the dreadful heart palpitations that had struck him when he remembered that Sawamura cooked in an apron. It isn't even anything particularly striking, just a plain blue thing he has seen Sawamura in before, but somehow being acutely aware of his crush on Sawamura makes everything about Sawamura a big deal.

"This always reminds me of our tutoring sessions," Sawamura says as they sit opposite each other at the low table that serves as Sawamura's dining table, coffee table, and everything else. "I feel like I'm going to mark a paper soon."

"And you're still feeding me after all this time," Kuroo jokes, digging into his food.

"So I am," Sawamura laughs. "It's become something of a habit when you've got younger siblings and whole team of juniors to look after."

"I could cook for you next time," Kuroo offers. "Since you're always the one cooking for me."

"I'm tempted to refuse because I'm older than you and it should be my duty to make sure you get fed, but I'm not that magnanimous an adult." Sawamura grins. "What's your culinary repertoire, Tetsurou-kun?"

Kuroo swallows down his mouthful of curry and rice, sensing the challenge in Sawamura's voice. "I am the _best_ fish griller."

"Oh? What kind of fish?"

"Mackerel, salmon, tuna," Kuroo lists, ticking them off his fingers. "My favourite is saury but it's usually only available in autumn. Wait until September rolls around and I'll grill some for you, Sawamura-san. Other than that, I can do the basics like fried rice, curry rice, omelettes, and all that jazz."

"I'll be looking forward to your cooking, Tetsurou-kun," Sawamura says with a smile, which makes Kuroo's heart palpitations return in full force. "Unfortunately, I won't be here after September so I won't get to try your specialty but I hope I'll get to eat the rest."

Kuroo drops his spoon. "What?"

"I'm returning to Miyagi in autumn," Sawamura explains. "As you should know, I graduated from Karasuno High School and they're offering me a teaching and coaching position there starting in October."

Sawamura says all of this calmly, like he hadn't just dropped a bomb on Kuroo, and maybe it doesn't count as a bomb to Sawamura. People moved in and out all the time, across prefectures and even countries. It isn't like Sawamura is going away forever when Miyagi is just a train ride away. But it is just that Kuroo hadn't realised that this casual relationship they had between them as neighbours would come to an end this soon.

Kuroo hasn't even figured out how to tell Sawamura that he _likes_ him.

"But... what?" Kuroo says coherently and tries not to feel like an ass when Sawamura's face falls.

"I'm sorry for not telling you earlier. I didn't think you would be this affected," Sawamura says apologetically. "We can still stay in contact after I move. It's just..." He sighs, putting down his spoon. "I haven't really been successful or comfortable with my jobs here in Tokyo. It always feels like something's missing. Teaching and coaching is something I finally feel like I want to do and I'm pretty excited for it."

"No, I mean, I'm happy for you," Kuroo says hurriedly, frantic at the thought of making Sawamura upset. "It's just that, that..."

"That?" Sawamura asks curiously.

"I thought you were going to be here with me all the time," Kuroo mumbles, his face flushing. "I don't know why I thought that."

"Tetsurou-kun," Sawamura says gently, "you're old enough that you don't need an adult figure to guide you in life."

"It's not that!" Kuroo blurts out.

Sawamura blinks at Kuroo's sudden outburst. "Then what is it?"

There are moments in Kuroo's life that Kuroo registers as now or never moments. He has had them before, plenty of times during volleyball matches and other times during infrequent moments of his life when Kuroo thinks what he does next will decide the course of his future. Now, he registers at the back of his head, is one of those moments. It isn't that he isn't going to see Sawamura ever again or that Sawamura is going to move out immediately after dinner, but Kuroo just thinks, in vague panic, that if he never comes clean about his feelings for Sawamura now, he may never be able to say them out loud.

"I like having you around, Sawamura-san," Kuroo says, fumbling through his words, his heart racing away in his chest. "And having dinner with you. And talking to you and seeing you in the mornings when you're out on the balcony." He swallows hard, seizing the moment with both hands as he looks Sawamura straight in the eye and confesses, "I guess what I'm trying to say is that I like you, Sawamura-san."

Sawamura's cheeks pink and Kuroo stares because that is a good look on him. "Oh."

"Oh?"

"You said something like that the other day when you were drunk but I thought it was because you were, you know, drunk," Sawamura coughs.

"I was drunk," Kuroo admits, still embarrassed about that day. "But that doesn't change how I feel about you."

Sawamura shakes his head and Kuroo's heart drops. "I'm much older than you, Tetsurou-kun."

"So what? You're still" —Kuroo blushes— "handsome. And kind. And a really great cook."

"I'm turning twenty-nine this year. That's ten years older than you," Sawamura tells him.

"I don't care," Kuroo says honestly because he doesn't. "I thought you were thirty, remember?"

"You weren't too far off," Sawamura mutters. "I'm an old man compared to you."

"But do you like me?" Kuroo asks, trying not to sound as desperate as he feels when it seems like Sawamura is slipping out of his reach. "Or do you think you could give me a chance? Please?"

Sawamura is leaning away from the table, their dinner forgotten and growing cold by the moment, and he hesitates, his eyes flicking to Kuroo and away. For a moment, it seems like Sawamura is going to say no and shut him down here and now. But then Sawamura sighs and drags his hand down his face, muttering, "It's hard not to like you, Tetsurou-kun."

Kuroo straightens up, hope blooming in his heart. "Does that mean—"

"I'm still moving to Miyagi in September," Sawamura reminds him. "You just started attending university here in Tokyo."

"Long distance relationships are a thing now. And think about it, when I graduate from Todai, I'll be much older then." Kuroo grins.

"It doesn't work that way," Sawamura points out, although Kuroo can see a corner of his mouth quirking up in a suppressed smile. "What will your mother say?"

Kuroo stops to think about it for a second and finds that he knows the answer to that. "She said that you're a good person. I think she would be happy for me."

Sawamura doesn't say anything but he has stopped moving away from the table and when Kuroo reaches out to touch his hand, Sawamura doesn't pull back. His hand is warm, strong, and steady just like Kuroo remembers and Kuroo squeezes it. His palm is clammy but Kuroo can't tell if it is Sawamura or him. They are as nervous as each other and Kuroo thinks that this is the first time he has ever seen Sawamura look this uncertain, his face open and vulnerable as he looks back at Kuroo.

He wants to see so much more of Sawamura, wants to know so much more about him, wants to be there for him if Sawamura is willing to let him. He may only be eighteen, which is nothing compared to the extra ten years Sawamura has on him, but Kuroo has always been a great learner.

\---

It is scorching hot right out of the train station and Kuroo twitches the front of his shirt, trying to conjure up a slight breeze against his skin. It isn't as hot here in Miyagi as it is in Tokyo, but it is still summer and Kuroo feels it pounding down on him as he walks from the train station to the apartment building. By the time he reaches the front door, he has sweat pouring down his face and sticking his shirt to his back.

Even from outside, Kuroo can hear the tinkling of a wind chime and the soft buzz of the television through the door. It is lunch time and the faint smell of curry wafts through the air, right on time. Kuroo had said he would be here at noon and he didn't even have to mention lunch to know that he would be getting fed. Two years of this and he is still getting spoiled, despite Kuroo's best efforts to turn the tide.

Kuroo rings the doorbell and footsteps head in his direction, the lock turning and the door swinging inwards.

"Hey, Sawamura-san," Kuroo says, smiling at Sawamura in the doorway.

"Hey yourself, Tetsurou," Sawamura says back to him, his face warming with a smile as Kuroo steps into his apartment and reaches for him.

**Author's Note:**

> The working title for this fic was originally "Tetsurou-kun and Sawamura-san" so you might have guessed that I envisioned this as a kind of slice-of-life manga about growing up and falling in love with that handsome man much older than you are who goes from being your tutor to your neighbour to your crush. The next working title was "ah, youth" for ironic Kuroo-related reasons.
> 
> The title I finally ended up using is a line from The Chainsmokers's song, Youth, which is a pretty catchy song if you want to check it out.
> 
> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Find me here: [tumblr](http://kythen.tumblr.com) / [twitter](http://twitter.com/catcrowcalls)


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